This is the definition of my life

No matter how busy I've been today, no matter how much sh*t I've had to do, I still make time for my head to wonder/wander about things in my personal life. I let it roam out of control, creating the most paranoid assumptions for why something did or did not happen. I may call it paranoia, but I really think it's insight into how people really are. I'm just that intuitive. Or f*cked up. I'm ready for this day to end. Hmmm...what will I do this fine evening? I guess I could work on planning my future. It's time for another one of those phases, it's been at least 2 weeks, right? Maybe I could make a 5 year plan? God, I don't know what I'll be doing next week, much lesss in 5 years. Out of boredom and not wanting to do any more work, here's a few questions I need to ask myself in order to get a jump start on the road to success:
1) Will my resume stand out above the rest? Hasn't been updated in ages. It's still that fresh out of college version, in which I used the thesaurus to replace every word with something even better to the point that my job at McDonald's (unfortunately, it's true) sounded like a position at the UN.
2) What do I want to do (career-wise) with my life? How can I look for a new job if I don't know what I'm looking for? I want to work in entertainment (like the other 99% of the poplulation in LA...I'm such a cliche), but I don't want to work in an ego-based environment...can these two things be mutually exclusive?
3) How many kids do I want to have and when do I want to have them? These are very important questions. Do I want 2? 4? 10? Do I want them now or when I'm 35? Girls, boys, or both? Names...oh f*ck, names!!! How can I do anything without making these decisions right now?
4) When do I want to get married? Maybe this should come before the kid question. I'll love the little tykes, even if they are all bastards. But I'm not sure if marriage is for me. I have an irrational fear of divorce...irrational b/c my parents and most of my friends parents are still together. I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone I've met thus far in my life. Maybe I should start settling for someone soon...before I'm a pathetic singleton mixing with the smug marrieds.
5) When do I want to retire? If I want to plan for a healthy financial future, I need to think about this. RIGHT NOW! Should I open a Roth IRA? Can I even do that with my credit? Wait, do I even know what a Roth IRA is? If I keep smoking, will I even live past my retirement...and what about the children?
Okay, so there you go, my life plan in 5 steps. Now all I need is 5 answers. I'll have to get back to you.
Reagan